Candlelight


I was wrong.
I thought moving forward
Meant shedding feelings,
Forgetting the past,
And no longer thinking of
Those I wanted most.

But moving on is
Not about getting over it;
The truth is that I will never
Get over it.
It is impossible to forget
About someone who
Ignited a fire in me
And showed me how much
Passion I have underneath my fear.

I am returning hate
And disappointment
For appreciation and
Gratitude.

I am no longer sorry
That it happened,
That it’s over,
Or that it still lives within me.

I am thankful,
And I will think of it
Always,
Not because I am weak,
But because I am strong
Enough to know
That the value of love is not
In how long it lasts,
Or in the form it takes,
But in the way it
Changes your life.

So I no longer hold a candle to it,
But it still resonates in my memory.

Our love did not
Provide us light forever,
But I have never seen anything
Burn as brightly.

Clay

I was destroyed by a love

That was too strong 

For whom it was given. 

So I built myself anew,

Molding a new shape 

Like clay in my hands.

I do not recognize 

The person that would 

Give anything,

Be anything,

To make a boy love her.

But I will always recognize 

The love:

It is the blood in my veins,

The beat of my heart.

I am who I am

Because of who I have loved,

And I have not loved at all 

If I did not love him. 

With Us


For me
Love is
The feeling of being home.
That is how it felt
The first time:
I’d collapse into him
As I would a bed
After a long, tiring day.
I felt safe:
Nothing could touch me;
Nothing could hurt me;
Everything was okay.
I would think to myself
That I could stay like this
Forever,
With our limbs wrapped around each other,
Never moving,
Never leaving,
Never fearing
That we were missing anything
Because time would stop with us.

Mad


What we had
Was the most honest thing
I had ever known;
Our undying passion
Was my truth.
But even that was fake,
And now I no longer know
What to believe in.
Now I understand
What that madman meant,
Screaming “God is dead”
At a clueless crowd.

What I Wish I Knew 

If my future daughter

Were to come to me

With tears in her eyes

About a man who has treated her

The way you have treated me,

I would be indignant and sorry. 

I would tell her that 

Someone who does not realize her worth,

Or understand how lucky he is 

To be loved by her,

Does not deserve her.

I would tell her not to choose

Anyone who does not choose her,

Especially one who does not know

How to choose anyone

But himself.

I would remind her

That she does not need

To be a man’s girlfriend or wife

In order to be complete 

And that she is surrounded

By people who love 

And appreciate her,

Always. 

Finally, I would tell her 

That she is enough,

And I will always 

Be there to remind her.

Space 

I think of you

Always,

When in a beautiful place,

When I reach a goal,

When I am content,

When I am tired,

When I am sick,

Everything comes back to you.

The unfortunate but necessary truth

Is that it will always be like this-

Even when I am happy,

Even when I know life cannot get any better,

I will still be sad

Because you are not here

To share all these moments with me.

Although I am happy for you

And hope you’re living a life

You can justify,

I cannot stop feeling

As if there is a subtle emptiness

In my being

Where you used to be,

A space that will never be filled.

The Question


A few years have past
And we meet again.
You look at me
Sitting across from you.
You have forgotten how pretty I was,
And now I am the most
Beautiful regret you have ever seen.

I stare at you,
Feeling my eyes water,
Angry and half in love with you,
Frustrated that our hearts live here
While you have made a home
With someone else.

You are miserable
Because I remind you of when
You were too young and naive to
Realize I was the love of your life.

We do not speak:
We are the silent meeting
Of broken promises
And missed chances.

We are the love that
Is both terrifying and inescapable,
But too heartbreaking
To deal with.

My eyes ask the question,
Daring you to say it,
To ask me to try again,
To risk it all with you,
Just one last time.

You want to,
You want me,
You always have,
But you are still afraid
To love me
The way I love you.

You don’t get up;
You don’t walk away
From me.
You stay but don’t come,
And I leave but don’t go.

This is how we remain,
Oceans apart,
While still able to feel
Each other’s warmth.